i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
