Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
