she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize