Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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