Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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