I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Can you bring me the toilet please
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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