What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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