dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
