My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
