Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
