There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
