Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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