My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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