Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
