Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
