you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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