i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
