mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
