He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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