I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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