47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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