Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
