wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I didn't notice because vodka
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
