Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
