Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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