sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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