I think I won the penis lottery.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
