First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
