Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
