it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Mom said you looked used
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
