she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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