official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
