Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
