Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
