So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
