I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You dont lie about slip and slides
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
