i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
