All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
