PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
