smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He did a backflip because drugs
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
