I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
