all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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