He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
