OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
