i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
