It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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