I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
