I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I wish you could order shots online.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
