i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
