You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
