So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
