Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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