Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
